It all started so simple. My ex and I were joking around and I told him that I didn’t have my medication. I told him: ‘don’t ask me things I should say no to, because I won’t be able to’, without my medication my need to please people was so high that no didn’t exist anymore in my vocabulary. He knew this. 30 minutes later, he made the joke. ‘What if we had sex, that would be so funny.’ I just went with it, because who wouldn’t? Sex with my ex, and after all the chaos we went through during the break-up. ‘What if we really would, would you be willing?’. I reacted surprised: ‘I don’t know. I don’t love you, but I do trust you, but maybe it’s not smart.’ He said: ‘I don’t love you anymore either, but it’s fun, no? Just once, let’s go.’ So we went to his house during the school break and at his house he started kissing me. ‘Do you want this?’ he asked. Everything in me screamed no, but he was stronger and quicker to anger than I am. Kissing led to sex and during the sex he started telling me how he has had always wanted to do this. While he just got out of another relationship the week before. He kept going for 40 minutes and at the end, when I was happy it was over, he said to me: ‘we should do this more often.’ I walked out of his house and went back to school. It felt like everybody saw what I had done. I walked around with this for a year before I told my friends. Then it dawned on me. He had used me. He knew I didn’t want to do it. I had rejected him before. He knew I couldn’t say no. Two years after it happened, I asked him about it. He let me believe I wanted it. ‘I was wet, so why wouldn’t I want to do it?’ I am now at the point where I realise that I have done nothing wrong in that situation. I had told him to not do such things, yet he did them anyway. This happened when we were both 16. I am 19 now and run into him now and then and he has no idea. Later, I found out he did this to multiple girls. I might not have said no. But I did say that I wasn’t able to say no. Asked him: ‘don’t ask me now’. And he took that from me. Afterwards, he told everyone proudly ‘how much I had enjoyed it’ and imitated my expressions. My breathing. I will never forget how much I’ve cried until I realised. Maybe we were young, maybe I should have known better. But when it comes down to it, he, too, should have known better and shouldn’t have insisted. It is important we learn to respect each other’s boundaries. He knew I didn’t want to.